When I saw her, I saw the old me
A person full of views and thoughts.
Well, she's just wayy better of course! I envied her courage and oneself. Of knowing what we want in life is just not easy.
I lost my track right now. I don't really know what I want, I don’t know what should be done, simply said, I'm lost. To gather back those packed-flatted spirit is not easy.
Who am I?
I'm a person of hope, of courage, full of ambition, full of insights (which I never let people know of it , as I only let those thing flows into my deep buried diary and my so-called anonymous blog and that is just what make her different from me as she just have that courage to let it out) fuh.
Well, despite of being ignorant, egoistic and just a me-oriented-self I'm not that bad huh?
I'm a bad person.
How did years changes me? I live in the world full of, changes. People around me changes rapidly, climbing those good-deeds-pathways? Which is good.
Me? I learnt a LOT. Lots of things flew in, but, the feelings, emotions, hope, and the urge to make a change, a good change seems to be fading away. The urge to stay at the same pace, making changes are just, not there. It’s there sometimes, but not everytime. They called it futur. Is it? I don’t know.
I observe things around, sometimes, I got something, to treasure. Sometimes I just don’t.
Ever heard that musics and smells brings back memories? Never believed it when I was a little kid, but now, yeah, it did. Random.
I grew up, being a person full of courage, and insights. Yes I do. That is where I get, a sense of myself.
I can't be the old stagnant me. No I can't.
I can't always ramble on feelings,
I can't be someone of no, educational views?
" Al Ahzab ( 33:70-71). Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Bertakwalah kamu kepada Allah dan ucapkanlah perkataan yang benar. Nescaya Allah akan memperbaiki amal-amalmu dan mengampuni dosa-dosamu.
Dan barang siapa mentaati Allah dan rasulNya, maka sungguh, dia menang dengan kemenangan yang agung. "
So what went wrong? Where have myself been these whole few years back?
Banyak input, tanpa rasa dan amal adalah sia-sia - bagiku.
The iman, and amal! That is what went missing these years.
The iman the iman the iman.
Of feelings, that we do everything because of Allah swt.
The urge of seeking Allah's blessing is put apart from our hard-working for the dunya.
Realizing that we can be called back to our Creator is there.
But the awareness and feel of it is just now strong enough.
And I just now hope, that DUA' will help me find my way through.
-taqwa, tawakkal. Big words.
Efford should not be put apart.
Everything, will just be collected and presented in front of the Creator.
No, don’t just learn it.
FEEL and LIVE with it.
Remember that, always remember that.
Of being good inside, with iman, and taqwa at heart, insyaAllah it will, insyaAllah flashes out…
And when the time come.
I will not regret.
We will not regret.
p/s: I found a picture of myself, years, years ago, sitting beside a teacher, who had passed away, recently. Feel it.